Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
