I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
