Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
