Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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