"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
