And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
