okay pat passed out under dana's car
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
