We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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