the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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