I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
