Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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