Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
