found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
