well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
