I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
