Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize