Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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