You work out of a Hotel?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He has the fingertips of a God
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