I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
