She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Everything about him screamed your future.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
