I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
