Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
