What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
