We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
