dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
