I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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