My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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