I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
