You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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