Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
