Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
