from now on my penis is your penis
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i love accidental penises.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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