I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
