I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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