I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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