there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Randomize