he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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