Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
