you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
