epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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