Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
