doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
