So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
