did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize