i jhust puked up my retainher.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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