I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
