I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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