so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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