i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
