This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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