The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
