unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
