oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
