this beer tastes like vomit already
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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