Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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