the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Randomize
