Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
