I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
