he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
