I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
