We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I think people are normalizing furries
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
