i need an iv and a liver transplant
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It's shark week go big or go home
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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