Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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