Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
do nipples grow back?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
