Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
