i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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