I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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