Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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