I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
