is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize