my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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